September 26, 2002
From the desk of Jane Galt:A reader sends a modest
A reader sends a modest proposal for Iraq:
Where are the Care Bears (tm) when we need them? Certainly the awesome power of the "Care Bear Stare" would melt even nasty Saddam's heart and turn those Al-Queda frowns upside down! I say we send a message to Care-a-lot Land and summon our fuzzy friends!Daring? Unique? Thinking-outside-the-box? You betcha! Sure, those Mr. Macho U.S. Marines might sneer, as might the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Coast Guard, my family, and most of my co-workers. Who cares? What do they know?
Just look at all the advantages of a Care Bear-based solution:
1) Bears clad from head to toe in soft fur -- will not offend traditional Middle East sensibilities.
2) Collecting Care Bear products a rewarding hobby to fill the void caused by loss of terrorist activities.
3) Care Bears compatible with all NATO aircraft weapons mounts.
4) No one will want to be a suicide bomber when there is a visit from Birthday Bear (tm) coming up!
5) Share Bear (tm) might get those Arabs to lower the oil prices a bit.
6) Care Bears are environmentally friendly.
7) "Evil Bert" indicates that Middle Eastern Cultures open to influence by soft, fuzzy dolls.
8) Bear meat probably not Halal, preventing unfortunate misunderstandings on purpose of Care Bear deployment. (N.B.: probably best if Gentle Heart Lamb (tm) stays home)
I am disappointed with the administration for not even considering the possibility of deploying a Care Bear-based solution to the crisis. Such irresponsibility is obviously due to nasty conservatives led by Professor Cold-Heart's twin with a Texas accent.
I am even more unhappy (not mad, just very, very, very hurt) with the liberal anti-war left for ignoring the Care Bears -- the Care Bear worldview seems of a piece with the liberal worldview. An added plus -- the Care Bear Stare would soften up that Mean Republican Administration (tm)!
I look forward to you incisive commentary and keen analysis of this woefully neglected issue.
See guys, that's the kind of novel, thoughtful solution we need more of in this world. Remember -- sharing means caring. Posted by Jane Galt at September 26, 2002 3:49 PM | TrackBack | Technorati inbound links