March 4, 2003
From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:A Hot Tip for Winter Runners
It must be sweeps weak here on A.I. Having covered other parts of the anatomy in recent posts, we move on to the John Thomas, to Bob & The Twins, etc.
Eugene Volokh has discovered a story about a fellow who..er...boiled his frank & beans with a laptop. "Ouch", he observes, appropriately.
Those who have met me may have a hard time believing this, but I'm a runner. When you run in the winter, you have to take certain precautions on cold windy days to prevent the opposite phenomenon of the one mentioned above. I recall a letter in Runner's World about a fellow who came home from a run only to discover that he had partially frozen the extremities. The appropriate remedy for any frostbite is specific immersion in room temperature water to bring about a gradual increase to body temperature. So this fellow poured himself a glass of warm water and straddled it. Now I actually haven't tried to lower the wee danglies into a cup, but I can easily imagine it requires an awkward positioning of the limbs and a hand to hold the cup in place. Naturally, stripping from the waist down would be a necessary precondition to successful defrosting posture. So the overall effect is fairly close to standing, naked below the midriff, knees akimbo, and jamming a cup of hot water into your crotch with a crooked arm.
At any rate, after our chillie willie had rushed into the kitchen, assumed the position and begun to benefit from the laws of thermodynamics, his wife, a non-runner, walked into the kitchen accompanied by a female friend.
Once the circumstances had been explained the friend excused herself and there was, he tells us, a happy ending to the day's exercise.
May I offer my sincere apologies for the pun.
Reminds me of a joke...
A man had sunburned his equipment after a day of nude sunbathing.
He was told by a pal that soaking the affected parts in milk would bring some relief.
After enduring some hours of pain, he gets up in the middle of the night to apply the remedy, putting himself in a very similar position to the one you describe, though the glass is filled with milk.
His wife wakes up, and seeing the lights on, stumbles into the kitchen and exclaims...
"So that's how you reload those things!
Sorry - couldn't resist
Posted by: marcus on March 5, 2003 2:18 PMThe CNN article comes up as a 404. I think it's an urban legend anyway.
Posted by: Jason on March 5, 2003 6:16 PMLUKEWARM water, not hot!
Sounds like an urban legend to me too though.
No, it happened, at least as best as we can verify anything else that happens as reported by the news. It was over a month ago, though, so the CNN article has possibly gone offline. It was reported one or two other places if memory serves.
Basically, he has been using a fairly late-model laptop (one of the Dell home-user models, IIRC) on his...uh, lap for a very long time, and didn't realize just how much of its heat he was insulating in the nether parts. When he got up, he discovered that the nether parts had a few second and third degree burns.
Speaking as a fellow male....yeeeoooowwwchhhh.
Posted by: anony-mouse on March 5, 2003 10:39 PMWHOOPS! Got that backwards. It was first and some second-degree burns.
Posted by: anony-mouse on March 5, 2003 10:41 PMHey I burnt my pubes on the bottom of a G3 laptop. Fortunately, I decided rather quickly the smell of burning hair was NOT the right thing to be smelling. The expression "lap-top" means "for use on lap when wearing long trousers."
Posted by: Andrew on March 6, 2003 12:15 AMIt's called "teabagging" -- inherently funny term if there ever was one.
Posted by: Mase on March 6, 2003 12:39 PMComments are Closed.