June 5, 2003
From the desk of Jane Galt:Tee hee!
This may have been circulating in the email aether forever, but it's the first time I've seen it:
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions: if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarves, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
Posted by Jane Galt at June 5, 2003 3:19 PM | TrackBack | Technorati inbound links
Your surmise is correct - this is quite old (no doubt new to some readers though). You can go to groups.google.com and search "read by people" "run the country" to get an idea how old.
One addendum: The NYT is read by people who wonder, "How the hell do those reporters manage to get to so many airports on time!"
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
You mean Hollywood doesn't run the country? And here I thought Jed Bartlett is the President. Dang.
Larry
Speaking of newly discovered items which have been around awhile, why does Microsoft waste our hard drive space with shenanigans like this:
Open a MS Word document and type (or paste):
= rand (100,22)
Then hit [enter] and observe.
I'm a graphic designer, and I use =rand all the time. It's quicker than typing in your own dummy text or pulling a chunk of lorem ipsum off the web (although lorem ipsum looks prettier).
Blogs are read by the people who will run the country in 5 years time.
Nice 'boss' function, too -- so you have writer's block, you've been staring at a blank page for the past half hour when you were supposed to be drafting a report? Someone important is about to walk by and might glance at your screen from a distance?
Voila, twenty pages of gargage, just like that...
Oh boy Patrick...I hope not. For every ten sane, rational people reading a blog there is one intense wacko.
Okay, make that "garbage." And savor the poetic irony.
Sure it's been around for a while, but that was a good version. The San Francisco and Miami parts were new to me. (BTW, there's a parallel one relating to the newspapers in Britain). I also hadn't seen the National Enquirer reference before, and I liked it because I do read it in the supermarket lineup. And, you know what? It's a good read, and just about everything in there is true. That's a lot more that you can say for most of the other publications on that list.
Also old, but from my favorite political satire show _Yes, Prime Minister_. (Apologies in advance for the sexist parts of this; the characters are not particularly praiseworthy people :-).
Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
- The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"
Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."
Also old, but from my favorite political satire show _Yes, Prime Minister_. (Apologies in advance for the sexist parts of this; the characters are not particularly praiseworthy people :-).
Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
- The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"
Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."
Can we extrapolate this all the way down to "Late night talk radio is listen to who think that the Illuminati run not only this country, but the entire world"?
Can we extrapolate this all the way down to "Late night talk radio is listened to by people who think the Illuminati run not only this country, but the entire world"?
“The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country”.
It is lucky for us that the The Wall Street Journal is the most fact checked paper in the world.
"Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."
The Sun. Conservative editorials and topless tarts. Only the English. ;-)
Back around 1969 or so, before I figured out that despite my upbringing and environment I really wasn't a lefty, One of the Yippies said "Read the Wall Street Journal. It's where the Capitalists tell each other the truth." So I started reading it, and everything fell into place.
BTW, the first article I ever read in the WSJ was about a company which had just taken over the buggy whip market by coming out with a revolutionary new product.
Back around 1969 or so, before I figured out that despite my upbringing and environment I really wasn't a lefty, one of the Yippies said "Read the Wall Street Journal. It's where the Capitalists tell each other the truth." So I started reading it, and everything fell into place.
BTW, the first article I ever read in the WSJ was about a company which had just taken over the buggy whip market by coming out with a revolutionary new product.
Slight correction in the second one. Gotta use preview. Hitting escape only makes it look like I stopped things in time. Sorry.
"9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions: if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarves, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats."
Nahhh. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who go 'Jesus; We're a major city. Why is our paper worse than the Fresno Bee?'
I am very confused. Aren’t the New York Times and the National Enquirer the same newspaper? Gosh, you sure had me fooled.
>San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who go 'Jesus; We're a major city. Why is our paper worse than the Fresno Bee?'
Come on, Tom, The SF Chronicle is the way it is because its readers want it this way.
Personally, they would have to pay me to get this rag. I bought it exactly once: on 9-11.
The other Katherine
Its funny that there is no mention of either Chicago paper. I can't decide whether that is a compliment or an insult.
Well Here's a Suggestion:
The Chicago Tribune is read by people who know there is a country, but are glad the Wall-Steet Journal crowd is running so they don't have to.
The Chicago Sun-Times is read by people who think Mayor Daley runs the country.
Weblogs are read by people who think, about one time in thirty.
Does that mean we blog readers think 1/30 of the time, or that only 1 in 30 of us ever thinks?
Not very complimentary either way, D^2...
Actually, the Nat'l Enquirer has to have two independent sources for its stories. The NYTimes just has some guy in his studio apartment, eating Cheetos.
Katherine wrote:
"Come on, Tom, The SF Chronicle is the way it is because its readers want it this way."
We want piss-poor local coverage, international coverage solely from the wires, and cliche-packed op-eds from syndicated columnists that ran in the NY Times/Boston Globe/LA Times/WaPo two days before, so not only are they banal, they're also dated?
Supposedly they have 200 editorial staff. God knows what they do.
"Personally, they would have to pay me to get this rag. I bought it exactly once: on 9-11."
Well, I get the FT, the San Jose Mercury, & the Christian Science Monitor.
I'm with Tom. The SF Chron is a worthless rag. I wouldn't wrap fish in it.
And Fox News is watched by people who cannot read.
And Fox News is watched by people who cannot read.
And BBC World is watched by Belgian politicians when they can spare five minutes to pull their tongue out of Arafat's backside.
The Weekly World News is read by people who believe that Elvis is alive, and running the country.
The Washington Times is read by people who think Reverend Moon should run the country.
The Chicago Tribune is read by people who run the state looking for which of their friends have been indicted and if they're under investigation.
The Washington Times is read by people who think they should run the country as a loose confederation of fiefdoms and anyone who doesn't think so too should be removed from the country.
The Wall Street Journal is read by people who think they should run the country like Singapore.
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