December 16, 2004
From the desk of Jane Galt:Tee-hee!
It's time once again to gather 'round the fire and sing those beautiful old carols:
Get dressed ye married gentlemen,Posted by Jane Galt at December 16, 2004 5:12 PM | TrackBack | Technorati inbound links
Let nothing through this May.
Remember, Christ our saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray.
Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
Glory to the newborn King.
Peace on earth and mercy mild;
Goddamn sinners wreck a child.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My tulip sent to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lawyers leaving,
Nine lazy Hansons,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven warts on women,
Six geezers laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a cartridge in a pantry.
We want some friggin' pudding
We want some friggin' pudding
We want some friggin' pudding
Please bring it right here!
Don't forget:
No well, no well, no well, no well
We have no water 'cuz we have no well
and
We three kings of orient are
Trying to light a rubber cigar
It was loaded
It exploded
We 2 kings of orient are
LOL at this one:
"In the meadow we can build a snowman;
Then pretend that he is sparse and brown."
Are you not obligated to post a 'SPEW ALERT'
in front of such?
You forgot:
"Hark! the Herald Tribune sings,
advertising wondrous things!"
Just don't you dare try singing those in a public school in America or France, though. As Superintendant Chalmers once said, "God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place in organised religion".
Could someone confirm for me that Day 5 of the Twelve Days carol is "Five golden rings" and not "Five Go-old Rings"?
I grew up singing "golden" but somewhere around my 20s I started hearing elongated "goooold rings" instead. That just can't be right.
TIA.
The play A Tuna Christmas has some fun lines, even if they aren't true mondegreens:
Good King What's-his-name went down on his cousin Steven...
I'm dreaming of a white trash Christmas...there'll be front teeth missin', and cousins kissin', and we'll see Grandma pissin' in the snow...
And my personal favorite: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire, hot suce dripping from their toes...
You haven't heard mangled Xmas songs until you've listened to Bob Rivers' Twisted Christmas collections.
Highlights:
Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
I Am Santa Claus (To "I am Iron Man")
Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire
and many more.
I think it was Rivers who did Oh Little Town of Bethlehem to the tune of House of the Rising Sun.
And you can even use Jane's Amazon links to buy the CDs.
Later on, we'll perspire
As we sit by the fire
And face unafraid
The bills left unpaid...
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