May 14, 2007
From the desk of Jane Galt:Requiem
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Oh crap! I am so sorry, Jane. A houseful of dog people down the road from your current digs knows what you are going through and will be somber today.
And I just saw the movie "Year Of The Dog".
I've been lucky; I've never had a pet die on me. But I have a cat who's just turned nine, and I know it's just a matter of time...
I am so sorry for your loss. My 10 year old rottie passed away about 4 years ago with similar symptoms. We hope she felt loved; the family certainly did. Her last day is still a vivid memory to me, and I tend to forget almost everthing.
I mourn with you today, but also wish to celebrate your cherished memories in the season to come.
I'm sorry.
I've lost a few pets over the years, and it hurts each time.
Sorry, Megan. I always enjoyed your posts about Finnegan.
RMc - our cat is 19+, and still levitates onto my lap when I'm trying to read the paper.
My condolences. I know how a pet can feel just like another member of one's family, having grown up with a cat that lived to be 20 years old before she passed away. She was a part of my life since I was a little kid and I missed her terribly when she died. My parents were living in Paris at the time, and my Dad had the thankless task of disposing of the remains. He opted for burrial at sea, in the Seine (no kidding). If the police had seen him throwing a weighted package in the river it would have looked mighty suspicious, but he managed to do it at night when nobody was looking. Unfortunately, because of trapped air in the bag she didn't sink right away. Rather, she started floating down the river pretty quickly, with my Dad following along on the bank in a panic, wondering what he would tell the rest of the family. Then just in front of my parents appartment, which overlooked the river, the bag went BLUB BLUB BLUB and sank to the bottom. It was almost like she was coming home. Anyway, now whenever I see pictures of a certain Paris landmark, which will remain nameless, I can point to her final resting place and remember her. That's a true story, in case your readers have any doubts.
And don't worry too much RMc. Nine is not very old among cats, which can live a long time if they manage to avoid getting hit by a car.
Once again Megan, I offer my heartfelt sympathies at what must be a very difficult time for you.
My condolences, too.
The nice thing about having devoted readers it that we are a mass rather than an individual phenomenon from your point of view. You can be pretty sure we won't die all at once.
What a terrible thing...my condolences.
Like many, I first encountered Auden's poem in "Four Weddings and a Funeral." Earlier in the film, which is filled with great dialogue, Gareth (the one who dies) toasts:
"True love. In whatever shape or form it may come. May we all in our dotage be proud to say, 'I was adored once too.'"
Great thing about having a dog - the adoration is mutual.
I'm very sorry about Finnegan.
Oh Meg, I am so, so sorry. Finn was such a sweet puppy. I know there is nothing I can do, but please let me know if there is anything and I will happily do it.
I will always have warm thoughts of him in my heart.
One of the easiest things in life is to win a dog's love. With a modest effort, you get a friend that loves you unconditionally, loves you no matter your faults, and will let you put your cold feet on them while you sit at home on chilly winter nights.
It is one of the easiest things; it is also one of the most satisfying.
May you be comforted with the memories of the good times you shared with him in your time of sorrow.
Our fifteen-year-old dog (one of two, the other is "only" thirteen) suffered what appeared to have been a stroke a little over two weeks ago and I had to perform my ultimate responsibility. Even though I knew he was suffering, it hurt and still hurts.
I know what it's like to lose a pet, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry; I know how hard it can be, having lost a dog (mauled by an unknown animal) a little over a year ago. ..bruce..
"“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us." -- Robert Louis Stevenson
Megan,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You'll be in all our thoughts.
With deepest sympathy,
--Colin
Very sorry to hear this. I went through the same thing early Sunday morning with the dog I grew up with after going home to visit for the weekend. Devastated my mom on M's-Day. Sux big time.
Bone cancer caught up with my 16-year old last month. Her labrador-buddy still sniffs at her collar.
And both of us still mourn.
My most heartfelt condolences.
Megan,
Sorry for your loss. We had to put ours down earlier this year. It's tough.
I've very sorry.
I think the poem is wrong though -- love does last, and the days you shared will always be with you. It is the pain of loss that is hard, knowing that there won't be more of them.
My condolences. The right thing to do is often difficult.
I am so sorry to hear that. You have my deepest sympathy.
I realize ones pets are important. I grew up with several dogs all of them ended up getting hit by cars, none made it to old age.
But I think that poem is a little bit too melancholy for something like a pet dying. When society gets to the point where we weep for a lost animal with the same ferver that we would for a lost human, that's a sad state of things.
At best it demonstrates a clear lack of understanding of life and the way of the world. Not that we have to be happy or uncaring when pets die, but your pet was doomed to die from the moment it was born.
I suggest remember the good times you had together, and getting another dog that you can have fun with. Life goes on and wallowing in misery over a lost pet does not seem like the behavior of an adult.
Ouch. Pets that are family members are not easy to lose. 17yo cat here, her turn will come.
May we have your favorite picture of the old chap as a memorial of sorts?
I guess I know where "huh" is coming from but I can't really agree.
I spent some time a decade past mulling over this -- not, at that moment, prompted by the death of a pet but rather at a sudden realization of the choices my pets were forcing me to make (and still do). I genuinely think it's really quite amazing that animals give us what they do: so much love and warmth with really so amazingly little in return. I don't know of a way to really quantify that and I think it's pretty much as worthwhile a thing as what our friends or family or lovers give us (at least emotionally) if nonetheless a very different thing (and I've been more fortunate than most in all those things as far as I can tell). And arguably our debt to our animals for that gift is really a lot more than to those others: we choose them as our burdens, and they really don't have the knowledge or power to make similar choices, and they are wholly dependent on us: if we abandon them others will likely leave them to die.
Megan's grief is hurting nobody and seems as fair to me as any other grief. I don't have the yardsticks "huh" has to measure this stuff.
I've never been a pet person. But I was at my mom's this weekend- when not posting on other threads encouraging people to comment on oil prices- and got to observe her up close with her two cats (brother and sister) and dog.
It is hard to quanitify the joy that can be found in having a pet, and I think sometimes you just have to have one to really know. But I could look at the companionship my mom received, (and lacked from other sources), and know that the pets brought much to her daily life.
Grieve on.
"But I think that poem is a little bit too melancholy for something like a pet dying. When society gets to the point where we weep for a lost animal with the same ferver that we would for a lost human, that's a sad state of things."
The 5-star movie, Children of Men (2006) staring Julliane Moore, comes to mind.
I'm so sorry. My own dog is only nine, so I have (for her breed) probably six or seven years left with her, but it's already starting to seem very short. You should go find some real life people to take care of you and sympathize for a bit -- internet sympathy is something, but it can also just end up feeling lonelier.
Sorry about your loss, Megan.
My dog died 30 years ago, and still appears in my dreams sometimes.
the interesting thing about grief is that it belongs to the individual having it... discussing anyone's right to have it, how they deal with it, and so forth, in their very own blog, in that very time, is at best rude. at worst the position of someone who has yet to experience their own grief. perhaps you might look up the word empathy... I think you'll find a definition that fits.
I'm so sorry.
He will be missed. And fondly remembered.
I am so sorry Jane. You have my deepest sympathy.
Please don't mistake my post for a lake of empathy. I am sorry your dog died as I was sorry when the several dogs I've owned over the course of my life died.
However, I never once maid the comparison that my dog was "my North, my South, my East and West" or that my dog was "a love that would last for ever".
I think when you make a comparison like that you're being overly melodramatic at best. All I'm asking for is a little perspective. If my friend called me up and said their dog died and they have no reason to go on living, I'd do a lot more than tell them "I'm sorry". I'd tell them their feelings are unhealthy and they need to overcome them.
I hope you feel better about losing the dog. Time heals almost all wounds. Or at least lessens their impact. I still think you should get another dog and look forward to spending another 5-10 years with that one. And when that one dies as it surely will, be happy that you had a great time with it and get another one.
Huh,
Your comments may well make sense in the general or in the abstract. But they would have been better kept to yourself today. I am confident you mean well but the fact that you would post such remarks on this particular occasion demonstrates a degree of insensitivity that, I'm afraid, does you little credit. The general is not the individual, nor the abstract the particular.
Equally, while many people do derive great pleasure from subsequent canine companions, to suggest that someone should move on and purchase another dog on the very day their existing dog has died is, to put it mildly, somewhat crass.
As I say, I suspect you mean no harm, nor bear any ill-will. But sometimes sentiments should be held in check and I suspect this was one of those occasions.
1. I'm sorry.
2. At least one of your commentors reminds me of something you recently described: "a stirring lesson in the iron jawed stoicism with which a determined person can bear someone else's pain."
3. Grief is the shadow of joy. The only way you would not have had this grief would be if you had not also had joy. That's what makes it real. Hard, but real.
4. Bad times lie. They seem to be saying, "This is forever, and I define Reality." A persuasive lie, but a damned lie all the same. Don't believe it.
5. Hang in there.
I am so sorry. You did everything you could for him.
I would have loved to have met Finnegan. He was clearly a class act all the way.
I'm so sorry. Dogs are noble creatures. They should live forever.
I wonder if W.H. Auden loved dogs as much as "JG" does. He probably did and would not have objected this use of his poem at all.
I am so sorry. I really feel for you. It is the law of nature we are up against...like love we don't know where or why, like love we can't compel or fly, like love we often weep, like love...in this case... we have to keep. Look positively, your 2007 has to get better after something so sad.
Sorry for your loss. My wife-to-be and I are still getting over last months loss of our beloved Shi Tzu, Lola. We only had her for a short 5 years when she succumbed to the effects of Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. After a week in the ICU and a variety of treatments to try and stop the autoagglutination we eventually had to make the painful decision to let her go.
It is certainly painful when any pet leaves us but especially so when it is caused by an unexpected ailment. They depend on us for so much and I admit I even blamed myself once or twice for not being a good owner and protector. Just try not to beat yourself up with woulda' coulda' shoulda's because the list of "what if's" can go on forever and needlessly amplify the pain. After a couple of times letting the emotions out through tears and talking about it with family & friends I eventually started to feel normal again.
:(
My condolences.
Dogs are very special, and I remember how sad it was when my Scottish terrier, Angus, died...
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone - wherever it goes - for good
you will discover how much you care
And will give your heart to a dog to tear
There's more but Kipling knew what he was talking about and of course was no stranger to human loss either.
Megan, my condolences as well.
The Auden poem is a perfect sketch of the nature of grief. It's not up to anybody to judge grief, and you don't earn it by being two-legged as opposed to four-legged. Grief is a process, not a judgment. Grief isn't even exclusively human, as any zoologist will tell you. What is human is the ability to describe it, as Auden does in that great poem.
P.S. Our society didn't "get to the point" where we grieve over animals as we do over people. I suspect we've always been at that point, perhaps even moreso in the past when animals were not just companions but often working partners.
I recently lost my dog, Annie, a beautiful and very empathetic Springer Spaniel.
Your response to your dog's death, however, is indicative of just how warped your perspective has become by being a childless, self-worshipping woman.
Have children. Develop some perspective. Quit living like a child.
It's not very attractive.
Oh, and by the way, there's a fairy tale that describes this "I'm so sensitive that I'll die" syndrome. It's "The Princess and the Pea."
No wonder the childish ravings of Andrew (Cartman) Sullivan appeal to the author of this blog.
What a collection of spoiled children!
No words can lighten the sorrow/grief one feels right after such a loss but atleast take consolation from the fact that it was an 'Anayasa Maranam'- a painless end that most humans can only wish for
Shouting Thomas, your advice was not asked for. A person who uses bandwidth that someone else pays for in order to provide personal advice which was not requested is quite accurately described as an utter and complete ass.
There are millions of websites to spend time with. Go away, ass.
I'll go away when the proprietor of this site says so.
The culture of spoiled kid is an abominable, foolish thing.
The woman who writes this site is a silly child. Having children appears to be the only thing that would actually propel her into adulthood.
I am an adult. A rarity in this society. I'm tired of the foolish and stupid carrying on of spoiled children. The little princesses and princes who frequent this site are lucky an adult will communicate with them.
Very sorry for your loss, Megan, from another dog lover...
I learned last year of the passing of my "dog-in-law", a mixed breed farm dog with one blue eye and one brown eye that answered to Attila the Hound.
That dog would go nuts with whimpering and submissive gestures in search of a tummy scratch upon once-a-year visits, and if my wife and I drove down the road to do work on Grandma's house, she would go tearing through the field with tall grass just to be with us. Attila was so accepting that my other brother-in-law's dog Max, an aggressive cow-herding dog I was warned not to approach, decided I was OK and warmed up to me.
Ms. McArdle, if your dog was any bit as friendly as Attila, please accept my sympathies regarding the passing of your dog.
I will add that it may seem unfair for myself and another person here to ask that Jane view things rationally when stricken by grief. Rationality is the last thing a person wants in situations like this.
However, I will slightly echo thomas' statement, albeit in not-so-blunt and hurtful terms, that when a person lives pretty much for themselves it's easy to see what something like a pet dying can cause such dramatic grief. Yes farmers for centuries have morned the passing of their animals. But farmers also had families to feed and they understood what animals were. Good helpers and friends, but necessarily expendable ones at that. When you have a family that relies on you, you do gain a different perspective.
And anyone who would claim the level of grief a person should feel is the same when a pet dies as when a son, daughter, wife, husband, etc. dies is crazy. That Jane's grief is apparently the same is not in dispute. But that is why it is wise to remind her that all things die, that is the way of things. Take this death in proportion. You have not suffered greatly, and the loss you feel can most certainly be eased if you will allow yourself to get another pet and start spending time with it.
If you wallow in your misery you are only bound to wallow in misery until you decide to stop, something that you'd be much better off doing sooner rather than later.
As to the person who claims this deserves no comment, that's silly. You don't post something for the whole world to see and comment on without expecting replies. Had Jane simply informed her readers that her dog died and she'll be away for a few days, that is one thing for me to jump in and start offering "sage" advice. But once she compared her dog dying to the end of the world she opened herself for people to comment on her reaction. That I choose to both offer condolensces and offer advice is my decision. I did not slam others for merely saying "sorry" even thought others posting here may not even be truly sorry as they go about their day as though nothing had changed in their lives with this new information.
No, shouting Thomas, an adult does not provide personal advice unless it is requested, especially in a forum that he is not paying for. Only an obnoxious, childish, ass behaves in such a manner. Megan McArdle's feelings about the death of her dog are of no concern to you, if you are truly an adult, and an adult does not comment critically on that which is of no concern to him, because an adult is well- mannered. Try being an adult.
Better yet, demonstrate your maturity by doing what an adult does when encountering people, in a purely voluntary social setting, that the adult believes are engaging in an inappropriately emotional manner; quietly, politely, disengage, and associate with someone else.
It's a big world Shouting Thomas, and an adult can find a social group that he believes he is more congruent with, as opposed to presuming to offer personal advice which was not requested. Grow up, already.
Yes, huh, I understand it is your decision. It is a bad one. Megan McArdle's sentiment in the post in question imposes absolutely zero cost on you. Thus, it is rude in the extreme to use it as an opportunity to make critical remarks. It is the behavior of an ass.
Why are good manners so foreign to so many?
It's always nice when the otherside makes an ass of themselves by blithering on about how much a of a jerk the other guy is. I insulted no one and offered council.
Council that she'd be better off accepting than sitting in front of her monitor nodding her head in agreement with you that I am just an ass and dismissing me. At best you might construe my statements to be insensitve. At best...but that would be reading between the lines and pouncing on one statement made while convienently ignoring another. How very politcal of you.
She made herself open to such council by not only stating what happened but by offering her opinion on how tragic and terrible it is.
I don't think this is worth discussing anymore. I know from my very first post that I'd be inviting the "who asked you?" replies. I posted it not because of ego and because I just like to see my own written words, but rather I hope the advice can be accepted and I hope others can strive for better perspective in the future.
Good luck, and I know you'll feel better Jane. Life's not that bad, there is still a lot to look forward to.
huh, an adult can grasp that council is to be provided when it is requested. You apparently aren't an adult and thus this escapes you.
Will Allen - btw, if you want a dicussions of costs, I think it is a cost to society when everyone nods their heads in agreement that an animal's death is as tragic as a human's death and then tries to shout down or belittle those who have the audacity to believe otherwise.
huh, if you believe this is the case, and believe it strongly, there is nothing to prevent you from acting like an adult, thus creating your own forum, with your own resources, and disseminating that view to your heart's content. To do so in the forum that someone else is paying for, when that person has expressed extreme discomfort over the loss of a pet, is simply rude, even if you find the discomfort to be entirely inappropriate or disproportionate.
Why do you conflate bad manners with maturity?
huh, no one claimed that an animal's death is "as tragic as humans' death and then no one has "tried to shout you down." Stop playing the whiny victim here. Megan just used WH Auden's Requiem in memory of her dog. She didn't write the poem.
Your and Shouting Thomas' responses on the blog are the immature ones here. I love this
"I'll go away when the proprietor of this site says so.
The culture of spoiled kid is an abominable, foolish thing.
The woman who writes this site is a silly child. Having children appears to be the only thing that would actually propel her into adulthood.
I am an adult. A rarity in this society. I'm tired of the foolish and stupid carrying on of spoiled children. The little princesses and princes who frequent this site are lucky an adult will communicate with them."
Shouting Thomas If you cannot recognize the petulant whiny childlike tone of "I am NOT GOING and you can't make me," I suggest you step away from the keyboard for a while and think about it. Adults act like adults, they certainly don't have to claim to be adults and people are "lucky" to have them communicate with them.
Good manners would be to say nothing. Were you a mature responsible adult you would realize it.
My condolences Megan on your loss.
Shouting Thomas claimed, "I am an adult."
Pretty self-refuting, I'd say.
As for the general "get over it" chorus: I've met people like you before. And whatever Ms. McArdle was grieving over, I suspect you'd find a way to belittle it.
Aww. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Sorry, Jane.
For those of you making light, have a look.
Finnegan was certainly a handsome dog, and I don't doubt that he had a tonne of personality.
"no one claimed that an animal's death is "as tragic as humans' death"
I seem to have misunderstood the post that says her dog has died or is going to die soon, followed up by another post quoting the sentiment that a person's every reason for living is now gone. That poem was about a human dying and now it is being applied in the case of a dog. How would you reply if it was used in the case of a hamster? In the case of a fly you accidentally stepped on? I love dogs. But they are far from humans. I merely questioned placing a dog's death on the level of a human's death as the sentiment in that poem applied in this case suggests.
"no one has "tried to shout you down." Stop playing the whiny victim here"
Telling someone to leave, go elsewhere, and then calling them immature, childish, and using profane language to describe how you view their bahavior is viewed by me as others attempting to shout me down.
If you disagree with me state your reaons why. I don't believe I've launched into attacks. If I have I apologize for that was not my intent. I did try to correct what I see are well-misplaced intentions.
That people now think I have no right to comment on anything beyond something that is physically affecting me this very instance is wrong. There are a lot of problems in society, and while I don't see it my mission to correct all of them I will speak my mind when I determine I should and I see mistakes being made.
Shouting Thomas may have been insensetive in telling Jane to have children for then she would understand proportion better, but that statement does have some truth. Not that people with kids might not also feel the same way about their pets, but I think it stands to reason when you have children you tend to have a better perspective about loss. I hope I never have the same feelings Jane has, although I'm sure I will one day if/when my spouse children die.
Perhaps I am being overly critical of Jane's sensitivity. She is entitled to be ultra sensitve, but when the community encourages that ultra sensitivity I think we've gone too far. Poems dealing with human loss used for the loss of a pet are melodramatically and wrongly applied. I do not question that grief exists and she has a right to feel it if she desires. I do view it as unhealthy for the person and for society as a whole to encourage it. I will speak up when I deem necessary.
Since we are clearly talking over each other here I will make a point of ending my comments now (for real this time).
Megan, I'm sorry. We lost a pug about a year ago, and it hurts.
These people claiming you don't have a right to greive because you don't have shildren are idiots....I have children and losing the dog still hurt.
I am praying for you. Loving an animal even knowing you'll likely outlive him is heroic. It's OK to greive.
Thanks Thomas for offering the Lewis Black comic-relief therapy to handle grief. & I agree - no one should resist the urge to leave a xerox copy of oneself behind especially when it absolves them from showing decency or acting gracefully.
Yes, huh, you've made it very clear that you will be ill-mannered when you deem it necessary. Guess what? So will I.
Thus, for instance, if I see a person who is being very dangerously inattentive to a child in a very busy parking lot, I will abandon all attempts at being well-mannered, and brusquely request the adult to pay closer attention to the child. I once witnessed a parent using extremely vile language in addressing a referee in a children's hockey game, and I eventually rudely informed the parent, after making polite requests that he tone it down, that I would physically remove him from the arena if he didn't modify his behavior. I had deemed it necessary to be rude.
You, on the other hand, lacking a mature perspective, deem it necessary to be rude when someone displays, not in a public place that is difficult to avoid, but on their personal web log, discomfort for the recent loss of a pet which you believe is disproportionate. That is what makes you an ass, and no, identifying you as an ass is no more profane or insulting than your decision to question the adult nature of Ms. McArdle's immediate reaction to the loss of her pet, on her personal web blog.
Will you please endeavor to obtain a clue?
Council that she'd be better off accepting than sitting in front of her monitor nodding her head in agreement with you that I am just an ass and dismissing me.
My, but you are a tweaked one. Unless you just finished installing the surveilliance gear yesterday, my expectation is that you have not one faint clue what Jane is doing at the moment -- she may have simply posted that poem in a moment of catharsis and then gone on with her day more or less normally.
Argue what you will; but regardless of it, wisdom is merely knowing what to say. Prudence is the greater virtue, for prudence knows when to say it.
Mssr. Thomas has neither, as he has plainly demonstrated, and his ridiculously self-unaware childhood merits no further rebuke, as he is far too well-oiled to be touched by any amount of cleansing waters. You, on the other hand, DO seem to have some wisdom, but prudence has equally escaped you as it has him.
Prove, in your wisdom, that you are a decent human being: Let Jane have her moment. If by this time next week she's still posting mopings and sorrow, it may be an appropriate time to pipe up. Until then, if you cannot post a non-judgmental and unprejudiced condolence, it is quite appropriate to shut up.
"Telling someone to leave, go elsewhere, and then calling them immature, childish, and using profane language to describe how you view their bahavior is viewed by me as others attempting to shout me down."
I have no problem calling out immature behavior when I see it. That fact you view it as "attempting to shout me down" is more telling about you than you think. These are comments on Megan's blog, no one is stifling your free speech or shouting over you. It's all text you see. What is going to achieved by your statements? Anony-mouse is right here. It's a single poem. She's not wearing sackcloth, covered in ash and screaming in the street.
I hesitate to post this, but I think Megan probably won't read this far down.
I too thought the poem was a bit much, but so what? When grieving, our own words often fail us, so we reach for those of others. A poem that resonated with her, that struck her as appropriate, may be a bit too much in the opinion of others. It isn't as if she's trying to make a rational argument about the value of her dog. Nobody is getting kicked out of a lifeboat to make room for her dog. We don't need to "win" this argument.
We've discovered in the past few weeks that the proprietor of this site is a fag hag, childless and treating her dog as a child. Yet, she wants to have adult input into the tradition of marriage. In other words, she wants nothing to do with the adult responsibility of tending to the future. Yet, in infant that she is, she thinks that she should be able to destroy an institution that she takes no part in.
In response to the others who have asked, I've posted my comments on my site: www.harleyscars.com.
You can even read about the death of my dog. For your information, I've buried two wives and raised two children through the death of their mother and step-mother.
While nobody suggested that, in general, the death of a pet is as tragic as the death of a human being, I can think of two cases where the death of a pet would be, and was, far more tragic.
Sorry for your loss.
Thomas, how long did it take for your wives to decide to hang themselves, rather than endure your company any longer? Or did they choose to simply stay in the garage with the car running, rather than walk into the house, and thus be greeted with your pleasant countenance?
Huh, in case you see this, the above paragraph is a reasonable example of necessary rudeness. Hope this helps you understand.....
I was taping my foot (3...4..) for Shouting Thomas to mention his dear dead wife - I didn't have to wait long, surprise, surprise.
But now we learn he buried two!
I sincerely hope Megan will have no patience to read to the end of this thread. Ian hour of grief nobody has to suffer insults adding to their injury.
Have at it, kiddies.
Yes, Tatyana, you are a complete infant. Who changes your diapers?
How, Jane Galt, explain why a fag hag who is childless and treats her dog as an infant child should have any say in the sacrament of marriage?
"How, Jane Galt, explain why a fag hag who is childless and treats her dog as an infant child should have any say in the sacrament of marriage? "
I don't think she does offer opinions on the sacrament of marriage. She offers them on the legal status known as marriage. Being a citizen is certainly grounds for offering opinions on that. In fact, being a denizen is good enough in my opinion.
Very sorry, Megan.
Do you know Robinson Jeffer's poem, "The House Dog's Grave"? A friend gave me a copy when my Australian Shepherd Kate died three years ago:
I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.
So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.
I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.
But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read--and I fear often grieving for me--
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.
You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying
Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.
And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.
You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.
I think Shouting Thomas needs to stop offering his unsolicited advice. Allow Megan to grieve anyway she wants. It isn't putting Thomas out in anyway. Why should Thomas (or really anyone) care how much she grieves for her dog?
I've had dogs and I've had to put them down just like everyone. Would I be a damaged and wounded as Megan appears to be (so much so that I would post that poem?) No. They are animals, and animals die. They are not people.
That said, I would never tell Megan that she isn't entitled to feel anyway she wants.
Here is another poem:
HE dwelt among the trodden ways
In the heart of New York,
A dog whom there were few to praise
And filled his belly with pork:
A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye!
Fair as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky.
He lived unknown, and few could know
When Finnegan ceased to be;
But he is in his grave, and oh,
The difference to me!
So sorry to hear of your loss. Condolences.
Jane, my deepest sympathies.
I know the bond that can develop between someone and their pet. I held my dog while they gave it the shot and I bawled like a baby. I've also had a couple cats pass on, it hurts.
Best wishes.
P.S. Here's the cats that are still with me.
Dear Sages of the Internet:
While I envy those of you endowed with near mystical, Frist-level powers of tele-diagnosis, I should note that Megan actually has "friends" in this thing called "the real world." And while we may lack this enviable ability to extrapolate a detailed portrait of her mental state and an assessment of the "appropriateness" of her grief from the posting of a single, I like to think we're pretty well situated to discern whether Megan has lost the ability to distinguish between a human's death and a dog's, launching her into a death-spiral of depression. (Happily, not the case.)
So while I can understand why those blessed with both an unerring psychodiagnostic eye and a profound sense of "perspective" would be eager to share their gift with others, allow me to suggest that this is somewhat presumptuous on top of being crass and tactless. I do understand, however, if this rather bracing method of "consoling" the grieving has left you with a somewhat tenuous grasp on this concept of "real world friends."
A friend sent this to me when one of my beloved parrots died.
http://www.amazon.com/Tenth-Good-Thing-About-Barney/dp/0689712030
We all grieve in our own way. Sorry for your loss.
I don't know whether "huh" and "shouting Thomas" are merely insensitive jerks or come from some kind of tweaked ideological position, but I do know this. I would never accept counsel from anyone who thinks "counsel" (meaning advice) is spelled "council" (meaning a committee).
An individual's grief is not for anyone else to judge. My niece grieved over a dead rabbit. I know people who have grieved over wrecked cars or lost jewelry. I don't know any philosophy or religion that teaches that we must not grieve over beings that are less than human. It doesn't make you into some kind of animal-rights nut or Satan-worshipper to grieve over your dog, okay?
Jeez. What a disputatious place the internets are.
Epitaph for a Dog
Lord Byron
NEAR this spot
Are deposited the Remains
of one
Who possessed Beauty
Without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man
Without his Vices.
This Praise, which would be unmeaning flattery
If inscribed over Human Ashes,
Is but a just tribute to the Memory of
"Boatswain," a Dog
Who was born at Newfoundland,
May, 1803,
And died at Newstead Abbey
Nov. 18, 1808.
early in the morning, she gets up to let me out
and when she hears dogs barking, "be quiet!" she will shout..
by instinct she steps over me, though I'm no longer there,
my bowl is in the kitchen, my leash hangs by the stair.
when she comes home from work, empty silence will prevail,
no happy barks, no prancing paws, no wildly waving tail.
she will not walk the dark streets, without me by her side,
for years I did protect her, it was my joy and pride.
betrayed by failing senses, no longer could I hear,
the footsteps of a stranger, or friend, as they drew near.
when I succumbed to illness, too weak to stand or eat,
she looked into my eyes and saw surrender and defeat.
she lay down right beside me, upon the cold, hard floor,
and realized i had no joy in living, any more.
she sent me on one last trip, from which I won't return,
to breathe one final, peaceful sigh, and then to brightly burn.
I hold no grudge against her, for I had lost my pride,
my life was pain, not purpose, and so I gladly died.
although my life is over, I'll watch her from above.
I always will be near her, she is the one I love.
now I will stand and wait here, alert by Heaven's door,
'til once again we can be together, evermore.
and when at last i see her, my joy shall know no end,
my only goal in living, was to be her faithful friend.
on earth, her days are saddened, from grieving over me,
but I am grateful that, from my suffering, I am free!
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."
And he said: You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
johnstodder - I would never accept advice from someone who deliberately misinterpret mistakes to further an unrelated argument. Some people make typos. Some people are typing quickly and spell their as there or were as wear. But what you've done is diliberately misinterpreted. That's not really much better.
Megan, i really enjoy reading your blog and I feel kinda selfish that the main affect of Finnegan's death on me was not being able to enjoy your writng; but as someone who knows you only through blog post and bloggingheads tv episodes, I'm really sorry for your loss and hope your grieving can be peaceful. On a slightly lighter note, if you're the avatar of the "culture of spoiled children [that] has reached epic proportions." Then we clearly need more spoiled children like you
On trolls
Ladies and gentleman, there is in our midst, a troll. While not particularly bright, trolls are persistent, and know how to get what they need. The internet breed of troll feeds on attention. Therefore, feed not the troll. Without the food of your ire, he will starve and seek entertainment elsewhere. If you have to think of him at all, feel sorry for him. He has a hole in his soul that he evidently never managed to fill without resorting to anonymous ass-hattery.
On dogs
Dogs are eternally loving, hoping and faithful. We could learn a lot from them if we stopped and paid attention. Between the species, I'd rather be a dog than a troll. Further, I'd rather hold a conversation with a dog than a troll.
Thanks, Megan, for offering a modicum of literary flair to your dealings with loss. My condolences.
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