Asymmetrical Information

Come to Victoria, British Columbia and go to the White Heather Tea Room on Oak Bay Avenue. Then, for your dose of declining imperial spendour, go down to the Empress Hotel and wander around the lobby. Yes, they do tea there too, but strictly tourist quality.

You can get the whole works at the Bramah museum. The decor is a bit simple, but the tea, scones, sandwiches, etc. are excellent.

http://www.teaandcoffeemuseum.co.uk/tea_room/index.htm

St James's is perfect, actually. You want either Fortum & Mason or the Ritz, both of which are right there on Picadilly. Shouldn't take you more than a couple of years to pay it off.

The Savoy

I would think that any 5-star hotel should be able to do it. First guess would be the Hotel Savoy, or perhaps Claridges. You might also check out the Hotel Goring near Victoria Station/Belgravia. (Don't let the name or location put you off; it has a very good restaurant and Travel & Leisure rated it the best hotel in London in 2005. Very English and so should do a good tea. They have a good line in English artisinal cheeses too.)

As for the salmon, although I disagree with you re smoked, just ask the waiter to suggest an alternative.

By the way, have you pawned all your valuables, or are you on expenses? You will pay for the experience.

Tea & Sympathy, on Greenwich Street. The finger sandwiches are vegetarian on request.

Ooops, sorry, that's New York, not London.

The Ritz or The Wolsley. Might as well be legends.

ha I second Tea & Sympathy in NYC...

I just shopped in this place when I was over there, it was nice. It is supposed to be quite the place to have Tea.

http://www.fortnumandmason.com/about/store/information/HowToFindUs/

Great atmosphere,the tourists tend to be non-Londoner English, so they don't spoil the illusion. Imagine if the East India Company dealt only in tea, coffee, candy and booze. Also, it's in Piccadilly, which is a lot of fun. Or it was 20 years ago, anyway.

Ooh. Closed until August.

I see that though Fornum's Piccadily resaurant is closed, their St. James is open.

Ah...I see Felix already mentioned it. It didn't seem that expensive at the time, but back then I had no kids and was dating a rich girl.

We had tea at the British Museum last year. It was really lovely and in a lovely space, too.

The Ritz is lovely, but expensive.

You might want to check out www.afternoontea.co.uk They awarded Claridges number 1.

I hope you enjoy your afternoon, it's nice to 'play grown-up' sometimes, isn't it :)

The Observatory Hotel in Sydney also has a lovely Tea (although I third Tea and Sympathy. And the prices are enough to make you think you really are in London!).

Adjacent to the Globe Theater, across the Southwark footbridge. The exact tea you described, with the possible exception of the salmon substitute. Terrace on the Thames facing St. Paul's. Relatively cheap, as I recall.

At the Bankside Pier if you're on the river taxi. Not far, in fact, from the Bramah but a much more attractive view.

The afternoon tea at the Tate Britain was quite nice.

I had a wonderful tea at the Milestone Hotel (located across from Kensington Palace).

http://www.milestonehotel.com/

I had a wonderful tea at the Milestone Hotel (located across from Kensington Palace).

http://www.milestonehotel.com/

Brown's Hotel, 33 Albemarle Street which is on the other side of Picadilly from St. James's Street. The food and drink is as good or better than the Ritz or Fortnum & Mason but the atmosphere is really wonderful. There will always be an Enland is what you'll think. Reserve well ahead of time.

There was an article, like, a week or two ago in one of the British papers, and it gave top honors (make that honours!) to The Dorchester. I think Claridge's won in '06. If I'm not mistaken I read this in The Times of London.

Mrs. mschrist thought that Fortnum & Mason was perfect when she went last October; she has confirmed to me that it meets all your requirements. She also went by herself (I had to work). She was at the one at Piccadilly, which is closed until August, but I suspect the one at St. James's is pretty good, too.

"Little sandwiches, including egg mayo and cucumber"

How you can disparage any variety of Pop Tart while admitting you'll eat British food is a mystery for the ages. Try some little chocolate donuts, perhaps with a cigarette. They taste great, and they've got the sugar you need to get you going in the morning (http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#mea=2389) .

Like the other (I presume Londoners) I'd suggest the Ritz.

But don't knock Wimbledon. Canizaro Park has had a refit and is a really nice location with its gardens.

And if you do venture down there, why not pop in and chew the liberal cud over a bbq? I promise Mrs B will not raise the issue of her economist subscription.

I trust that you mean that you would like separately egg-and-cress sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches. As for blackcurrant jam with clooted cream - won't you bloody immigrants ever assimilate? (It's no excuse that you are only a serial short-stay immigrant.)

Brown's Hotel on Dover Street (or rather Albemarle Street is the main entrance).

Second that vote. It's about £18 for an afternoon tea, but well worth it. I think a glass of champagne is gratis.

Doesn't Harrods have an extravagant afternoon tea?

mcchrist

AFAIK there is only 1 Fortnum & Mason (on Piccadilly so essentially between St.James's and Mayfair). It's owned by Canadians (the Weston family).

Jane

Don't forgo the chance to have a drink at the bar on the 5th floor of Waterstones on Piccadilly, formerly Simpson's department store and now a terribly elegant bookshop.

It's one of the nicest bars in London although sometimes the service is slow. (they also do coffee and snacks in the afternoon).

If you see *another* gorgeous tall brunette in there, reading, it's my wife ;-).

For an authentic 'British experience' of the bourgeois kind, I can recommend John Lewis, the department store on Oxford Street.

The cafeteria there (4th floor) has a wide selection of eats and drinks and a pleasant view out over the square behind (Cavendish Square).

You can sit and contemplate the issues of employee ownership of enterprises-- each employee is known as a 'partner' and they own the firm (via a trust set up by the founder).

I imagine the newly remodelled Peter Jones (same chain, John Lewis Partners) in Sloan Square has a nice caf, although I've not been. The facade (1920s) is very nice to look at.

For 'chi chi' experiences, Harvey Nicks (department store) at Knightsbridge has a nice set of restaurants and cafes as well as a food shop to die for (price as well as quality).

It feels much less touristy than the adjacent Harrods (it's slightly to the east).

"AFAIK there is only 1 Fortnum & Mason (on Piccadilly so essentially between St.James's and Mayfair). It's owned by Canadians (the Weston family)."

I made the same mistake. There's the one place, but the three dining areas there have different names - Fountain, Balcony and St. James. The first two are closed for remodelling.

As several have noted above, Brown's Hotel is the place to go. Good price and extremely traditional in both menu and setting.

Re: Fortnum & Mason--thanks valuethinker for catching the error. Mrs. Mschrist informs me that she ate at the Fountain. What she recalls of the St. James is that it's the fanciest (and most expensive) of the three dining areas at F&M, and that it's enough food that you should plan on it being your major meal for the day.

I realize that this won't be immediately useful, but if you ever get to Hong Kong, be sure to have afternoon tea at either the Repulse Bay Hotel (actually the replica they rebuilt for the tourists, after knocking down the original; in Repulse Bay, of course) or else the lobby of the Peninsula Hotel (right on the harbour, in Tsim Sha Tsui). I always used to order tea rather than coffee or another drink just to see the array of "silver" pots and strainers that are brought out.

Or, if you get to Singapore, I seem to recall having something similar at Raffles. And in Bangkok, there's the Oriental. Probably any of the former colonies (or Thailand, which wasn't a colony) will offer a nice, fairly authentic version of British high tea. You've brought back some great memories!

"Yes, I am well aware that actual British people do not actually consume this meal. "

Are there any quinessentially American things that Americans don't actually do? I used to think that it was "being a cowboy" until I married a daughter and granddaughter of one.

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