Asymmetrical Information

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

MTZ before it was MTZ

Anticipating a dry spell during the holidays, I'd like to throw some vintage material up. Before I started this site (way back in September and prior), I was an enthusiastic correspondent with some newspapers. I am sure you find this shocking. If you read my site, you know I am a bad food/bad weather/good company Anglophile. However, a certain reporter got my dander up when he described the American reaction to the Yank Ryder Cup victory in 1999. Here is my letter to The London Evening Standard", which was published:

Gentlemen:

The following is excerpted from a US story summarizing European reactions to the American Ryder Cup victory on Sunday.

"Let us be painfully honest about it,'' columnist Matthew Norman wrote in the London Evening Standard. `"Yes, they (Americans) are repulsive people, charmless, rude, cocky, mercenary, humorless, ugly, full of nauseatingly fake religiosity, and as odious in victory as they are unsporting in defeat."

I admire Mr. Norman for his forthright writing style. There is no doubt as to his position on this important issue - how best to completely over-generalize about Americans so as to diminish their come-from-behind victory in the Ryder Cup.

Coming from the people that invented drawing and quartering, colonized three quarters of the world (then lost it), put a succession of deranged monomaniacs on the throne, and invented not only the genocidal religious "crusade" and the "hooligan spectator", but also the Spice Girls, this really hurts. But at least Mr. Norman didn't call us whiny, self-satisfied, snotty, hygienically challenged, prissy, clotted cream-eating bigots. That would have been too much!

I was at The Country Club on Saturday, we applauded every player resoundingly, and I didn't hear or see anyone bothering Colin Montgomerie. Monty does have the uncanny ability, however, to hear the sound of a fly suppressing a fart at 100 paces. But his main problem is he frowns at everyone, everywhere- in Mr. Norman's words, he is truly "charmless". Please understand, I favor capital punishment for any spectator that spits on anybody. But it seemed to me that on Saturday, the most popular player on the course was Sergio Garcia, who, perish the thought, smiled occasionally and engaged the crowd with grace and and good humour. America adored him, even more than our much less expressive hero, Tiger Woods. Golfers on both sides could take a lesson from El Nino.

There is no doubt that America owes much to Europe. In this very Ryder Cup, the American golfers learned about teamwork from the Europeans, to their benefit. I will grant you that civility is fighting a losing battle on both sides of the Atlantic (read up on Valderrama, Mr. Norman), but is having a better time of it on the Continent. Britain has given us, to name just a few examples, the (British) Open, Monty Python, Rowan Atkinson, Fry and Laurie, P.G. Wodehouse, Jane Austen and Samuel Barber. However, with just one word you will see that you now owe every American with a young son or daughter an apology: Teletubbies.

Yours in cocky, humorless odiousness,

You see, I've always been like this, I can't help it.

It did tip off a long series of letters with a very congenial fellow named Edward Rawes, who is a serious history buff. He took issue with crusades (Pope Vezelay?) and chided me for picking on King George's Porphyria (sp?). A genuine non-cyber blogging experience.

Posted by Mindles H. Dreck at December 20, 2001 06:15 PM | Technorati inbound links