Asymmetrical Information

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

The Knapp Questionnaire

I took a first shot at responding to Alex Knapp's anti-globalist questionnaire:

1. What is a corporation?

A corporation is an evil construct that turns otherwise valuable and moral human beings into rapacious thieves and killers and environmental assassins. It does so by associating them in the pursuit of something called “profits”, defined as “taking money that should belong to someone else and could not possibly be surrendered voluntarily for goods.

For instance, look at my Doc Martins. I was forced to pay sixty bucks for these in a factory outlet. I could have used that sixty bucks to save a Northumbrian Swamp Rat.

2. If you're opposed to the oil companies, does that mean you oppose the use of plastic?

We have enough plastic, as it can be recycled. Should we need more because of degradation or population growth we can find substitute materials, such as hemp. Hemp is a great substitute for plastic, especially in liquid and corrosive materials handling. Besides, it, like, turbocharges the high when you smoke it afterwards.

3. If you're in favor of protectionist trading policies and are opposed to the free-market system, why haven't you moved to North Korea?

The North Koreans love their children too. I refuse to answer the rest of your question because it is nothing but empty meaningless labels spouted by a jingo-fascist brainwashed corporatist. Besides, I wouldn’t know a free-market system if it fell on me.

4. If economic sanctions mean that citizens in Iraq, for example, are impoverished and starving, doesn't that mean you support free trade with poor nations?

The sanctions exist because of the United States government, which we know is evil (Contras, exploding cigars, Hiroshima, etc.). The sanctions are evil because the U.S. is evil.

Trade with Iraq is usually accomplished through corporations. But corporations are also evil. So not trading with corporations save lives.

We support..um...free trade in aid by governments. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

5. Isn't it awful that the organic food industry is making use of grass-roots political organizations in order to discredit their competition (ie GM foods) so they can make more money?

Once again, big companies are bad. Little companies that feature “organic”, “sustainable” and “natural” in their identity work are good. So no I don’t.

6. Would you like to sign this petition to force the EU to recognize the sovereignty of the nations of Europe and forbid their economic and political integration?

I’m tired of all this “sovereignty” stuff. I’m tired of all this “individual rights” stuff. I don’t think individuals have rights. Communities have rights! But states aren't communities, because they're run by politicians, and somebody would call that "sovereignty".

7. Would you like to sign this petition to condemn Palestinian terrorists for the deliberate targeting of Israeli civillians?

You should visit Palestine before you criticize.

8. Do you know how many trees your flyers have killed?

We like to think those honorable trees gave up their souls in the struggle.

Posted by Mindles H. Dreck at February 13, 2002 06:15 AM | Technorati inbound links