Asymmetrical Information

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

The New Aristrockracy

This Steyn column appeared in Yesterday's New York Sun. It had me giggling like a 6th grader at a school dance:

Rock stars aren't a welcome break with the old hidebound aristocracy, they're the new hidebound aristocracy. Over the years, I've met her majesty, and I've met a lot of rock stars, and I can tell you the rockers are a lot queenlier than the queen. They're far more hung up on protocol than your average prince or duchess...

...It's fashionable to bemoan the way celebrity has contaminated every aspect of public life, but, happily, a growing number of celebrities now behave with the decorum and restrained formality previously associated with the royal family. Even Sir Elton, whose country house in Berkshire was once full of glitterballs, strobe lighting, amyl nitrate, cocaine, and louche young men, has signed up for the New Gentility.

"I've never seen so much porcelain," bemoaned Mick Jagger after a recent visit. "If I see another piece of f---ing porcelain, I'll go bonkers."

A few months ago, Sir Elton and his male partner were invited by the queen to join her for tea in the Royal Enclosure at the Ascot races. On another occasion, her majesty gamely escorted Elt onto the floor and whirled daintily around to "Rock Around the Clock," dancing queen to queen, while Prince Philip, displaying a visible reluctance to get with the program, was obliged to stand at the side and make small talk with Elt's boyfriend.

How far will it go? Prince William and Britney were rumored to be an item awhile back, and I can't be the only one who wondered what might have been when Streisand let it be known a few years ago that she'd once been sweet on the Prince of Wales. He could, it seems, have married a genuine Jewish American Princess instead of the manipulative bulimic neurotic he wound up with. Barbra is a model of regal dignity: She issues Christmas messages to the peoples of the world, just like the queen and the pope do; at the Democratic Convention, she sings "Happy Days Are Here Again" so butt-numbingly slowly it sounds far more like a national anthem than "God Save The Queen" or "The Star-Spangled Banner." Incidentally, I'm not sure if Bono and Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill have danced together on their extensive African tour, but, like the queen and Sir Elton, they make a lovely couple, especially in that exotic native sleepwear they were pictured in the other week. Nothing but good can come of sober rockers like Bono lending their deep sense of duty and public service and commitment to good causes to a decadent ruling class of chaps like O'Neill who otherwise would be spending their days nailing chicks, trashing hotel rooms and driving their Rolls into the swimming pool.

When I looked at that picture of O'Neill and Bono I kept wanting to draw a thought balloon in next to the fellow in the middle background - "I'm glad my wife didn't let me throw those away!". Or maybe some direct dialogue - "Are you guys gonna buy something or just stand around?"

At any rate, read the whole Steyn, it's hysterical.

Posted by Mindles H. Dreck at June 12, 2002 06:00 AM | Technorati inbound links