Asymmetrical Information

May God help me, I now know what it feels like to be Senator Mel Martinez’s aide. This information is in a private memo meant for my eyes only. It is not suppose to be made public. The Master will be very upset. I can only hope that he kills me quickly.

I will train my guards to always check the ceiling before entering an unsecured room.

Finally, a useful link- none of that boring economics crap.

Nothing about ill-tempered mutated Sea Bass with laser beams on their heads. I guess that means I'm in the clear.

I will cover the floors of all major hallways with ice, and my guards will wear bobsledding shoes. The hero will slip and surely break himself if he manages to get inside.

"If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature."

Actually, it is this very attempt, with Vito Corleone as the callow youth, which is the plot device that puts in motion all the events that comprise Puzo's Godfather saga. Damn, there's just no winning in this evil overlord bisiness!

If you liked that, you'll surely like The Tough Guide to Fantasyland by Dianna Wynne Jones. It has A-Z encyclopedia entries of all the heroic fantasy quest cliches that are laugh-out loud funny. Hard to find though, probably eBay only.

My favorite was the one about fighting the hero on the moving platform: if the hero suddenly looks over my shoulder and drops flat, I'll drop flat too, immediately, rather than quizzically look over my shoulder to see what made him do it.

Just for completeness:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/ is the original source, but the maintainer seems to have gone on indefinite hiatus.

http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/hero.htm is the home of the "The Things I Will Do if I Am Ever the Hero" list.

Ah, the Evil Overlord list. Useful advice for today's aspiring supervillains, and broodmother for a host of other lists.
http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/index.htm

I was a bit startled, but oddly enough, not afraid, when I read the headline: "A must read for anyone else who is thinking of becoming an Evil Overlord".

That was funny. I agree with eliminating the action movie cliches, but sometimes one has to indulge their inner drama queen in order to be fabulous...

There have been a lot of additions since I first read this. I really want a tee-shirt which proclaims "Yes, I'm the one who did it, but you'll never convince that incompetant old fool."

All well and good, but where's the link that tells me how to acquire my Fortress and Legions of Terror in the first place?

Rob, I believe you have a choice between a career in corporate governance, or politics.

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