Asymmetrical Information

From the desk of Jane Galt:

Oooops

The Army Corps of Engineers misjudged the strength of the 17th street levee:

The floodwall on the 17th Street Canal levee was destined to fail long before it reached its maximum design load of 14 feet of water because the Army Corps of Engineers underestimated the weak soil layers 10 to 25 feet below the levee, the state's forensic levee investigation team concluded in a report to be released this week.

That miscalculation was so obvious and fundamental, investigators said, they "could not fathom" how the design team of engineers from the corps, local firm Eustis Engineering and the national firm Modjeski and Masters could have missed what is being termed the costliest engineering mistake in American history.

The failure of the wall and other breaches in the city's levee system flooded much of New Orleans when Hurricane Katrina slammed ashore Aug. 29, prompting investigations that have raised questions about the basic design and construction of the floodwalls.

"It's simply beyond me," said Billy Prochaska, a consulting engineer in the forensic group known as Team Louisiana. "This wasn't a complicated problem. This is something the corps, Eustis, and Modjeski and Masters do all the time. Yet everyone missed it -- everyone from the local offices all the way up to Washington."

What really chaps my ass, of course, is that if George Bush had been doing his job, checking the soil substrates under the levees, this never would have happened. We expected him to protect the country from disasters, and this is the one of the biggest disasters ever to hit the country. Yet where was George? Not taking soil cores, doing sonar analysis,or analysing soil samples in the lab--that much is clear. What the hell does he think we elected him for? Did he even make a cursory examination of the 17th street levee? I demand a special prosecutor to investigate why our president was not performing geological surveys of New Orleans in the days before hurricane struck.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

ROMMELMAO

Speaking of overreactions to stupidity, the reaction to Prince Harry's Rommel costume is a bit much, although surely he should have known better.

One supposes he would have been fine dressing as a devil, or Attila the Hun, or, as I Orrin Judd suggested, one of Stalin's commissars. A costume is rarely an endorsement. Quentin Letts has it about right:

Few voices of moderation were given airtime to suggest, for instance, that boozy pre-college boys at a costume party might be allowed to make the occasional blunder, or that fancy dress parties are, by their very nature, an act of satire. One might also note that the Sun's "Harry the Nazi" headline comes after a month of triumph on London's West End for the Mel Brooks musical "The Producers"--a show which makes great satirical capital out of Nazi uniforms and giant swastikas.

On the other hand, I'd put up with this nonsense if somebody made me the beneficiary of a several billion-dollar trust to spend my life celebrating in public as a symbol of my country.

UPDATE: Steyn:

The French sports minister suggested the "scandal" would undermine Britain's bid to host the Olympics. Londoners should be so lucky.

But, if I understand the concern of the sporting world correctly, being a totalitarian state that's killed millions is no obstacle to hosting the Olympics, but going to a costume party wearing the uniform of a defunct totalitarian state that's no longer around to kill millions is completely unacceptable....

Alas, tyranny doesn't always come with a self-evidently hilarious dress code. And the soft, supple, creeping totalitarian inclinations of our present-day rulers are sometimes harder to resist. If I had to pick the single most revolting remark from this bogus Reichsfuror, it would be this: "I think it might be appropriate for him to tell us himself just how contrite he now is."

That's Michael Howard, the leader of the supposed Conservative Party. What's conservative about demanding people submit to public self-abasement? Wasn't it the Commies who used to insist you recant on TV and then disappear into re-education camp? A conservative party ought to be a refuge from the sanctimonious nannytollahs of the age. But, from his shabby Kerryesque opportunism on the war down, Mr Howard has no discernible coherent political philosophy - except for his all-pervasive authoritarianism, into which his repellent call for a display of princely contrition fits all too neatly.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Hey, it goes with the tie....

We mustn't judge Alexander Hamilton by his biographer's clothing:

Now there's a jacket that could provoke a duel.

Oops, I suppose the title of Hamilton's biographer belongs to Ron Chernow at the moment.

Don't miss the additional..er...color in the comment threads.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Bulletin from Al Qaeda

Memo to the hidden army:

I have never approved of titty bars, but I have been willing to make an exception for those of you who are about to go straight to heaven. I understand how hard it is to wait until after your operation to satisfy your thirst.

But if you simply must get a lap dance before carrying out operations, could you try not to tell the infidel ladies about our plans? This could seriously discredit us.

We wish your last days on earth to be...um..stimulating, but please try to keep the indescretions to a minimum. That's all I ask. Otherwise we will have to look at revising policy. Work with me.

Yours,

Sulaiman abu Ghaith

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Rapid Droppings Busted

In case you were wondering, my right column is out of commission due to a Blogger snafu (it crashed and deleted my history and publishing when I upgraded to Blogger Pro). If it weren't, I would surely quote Happyfunpundit:

Hot on the heels of the controversial French bestseller "L'Effroyable Imposture" (The Frightening Fraud), which claims that no aircraft hit the Penatagon on Sept. 11, comes a new German book by Dieter Hauff (formerly of the musical group "Autobahn") which claims that "L'Effroyable Imposture" never existed.

Hauff's essential thesis is that the book was never written, published, or sold, and existed only in the imaginations of the French media. Chapter One opens thus:

Nobody is that stupid, not even the French intelligentsia. Naturally, I haven't read the book, since it doesn't exist

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

MTZ as a firearm:

If you care about philosophy, Mill was at the top of my list. Here's another test:

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

From Bill Quick ; Balloon Juice.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

The Best Wing

I do enjoy The Justice League West Wing. In last night's episode, President Bartlett struts around the Wing beating all his staff simultaneously in Chess while singlehandedly defusing a frightening military escalation between Taiwan and China. Whatshisname, the sensitive one, repeatedly sends his secretary out in the cold to harass two voters in the critical early-voting town of Hartsfield's Landing (Dixwell Notch in West Wing disguise) before midnight. He shows his humanity at 11:45 by giving them permission to go vote for the other guy. Light relief is provided by pranks perpetrated on C.J. by the ultra-cool presidential intern. At the end of the show C.J. is shown wondering, (after her desk falls to the floor like someone pulling on a turtleneck) how long she will be "his bitch". Press secretaries say these sorts of things a lot to African American presidential interns in "real" West Wings. Because they are Dems, they have "street cred". If they were Republicans, they would, of course, be racists, although the point is moot because there would be no African-American interns.

The inexorable presidential chess beating is delivered on incredibly valuable antique Indian chess sets he has just received from the Indian Prime Minister and is doling out to his staff. Please, petty souls, let us not be bothered with the ethical implications here - Jeb Bartlett's generosity is pure. As he halfheartedly slaughters Sam and Toby at the ancient sport, he manages to both inspire Sam to think of running for President, and absorb some profound advice from Toby - "run smart, be intelligent vs. not, competent vs. not." This is generally how Republicans are described on the show: "not".

The grand chess game, of course, is the Kabuki-style drama playing out between Taiwan, China and the U.S. He doesn't say "Kabuki" because those come from Japan, so only nots would draw that analogy, because they are, well, not. Bartlett manages to pull it off without a moment's hesitation, trading away something he never intended to do (sell Aegis destroyers to Taiwan) in return for a general standing down in military exercises. Neither his chief of staff, nor his National Security Advisor are in on the whole game. Only Jeb has all the pieces in his Yucca Mountain-sized cranium. Thank God for the positive correlation between liberal thinking and individual brilliance. And don't bother us with details, our lapses are by-products of our overwhelming intelligence.

At the end, Sam looks at the President and says, in childish awe, "how do you do it". "I get good advice, see the whole board" Jeb says, glowing in the well-deserved adulation. "Don't be afraid, Sam, I have confidence in you." It is hard not to tremble in the assured yet humble presence of the Great One.

Toby reminds us that Bartlett is a nobel-prize winning economist turned democratic Governor and president, as well as a grandmaster at chess and the special early history edition of Trivial Pursuit. He is, in other words, Paul Krugman's destiny. But Bartlett reminds us, in thundering Puritan tones, "I AM folksy". Bartlett wanders around the White House stunning everyone with his overweening knowledge of first century metallurgy, chemistry, the history of South Asia and the footnotes of the great philosophers, pausing only to take a quick breath before bringing up some new hairball of relevant historical anecdotes. By God, this is the presidency as it must be when the right guy was is in office.

I am especially grateful to Aaron Sorkin for pointing out that the Brokaw special on Bush was "a valentine" romanticizing the Bush white house in a fawning and dishonest way. Brokaw showcased the President as competent, Sorkin reminds us he is not.

In the next episode, I forecast, Bartlett will prove Goldbach's Conjecture while reconfiguring most of central Africa along tribal lines and convincing the dictators there to come live in Brentwood. He will also fix up C.J. with a boyfriend (who will be one foot shorter than her, like the rest of the staff) he encounters during translation of his memoirs into esperanto, show the token Coulterish hottie in Counsel's office a thing or two about feminism and give the chairman of the Federal Reserve a lesson on how education affects interest rates. His mathematical temerity will cause him problems on the campaign trail as the not party takes the opportunity to show how out-of-touch he is with the VCR buying, Goldbach's Conjecture-is-unproveable arm of the public. He shows his human side by having a cigarette and losing his temper with his long-suffering wife (recently renamed Jonas Salk II), in a heated argument about the effects of leather crafting technology on the development of renaissance monastic garments.

A whole week of News-inspired fantasy ahead of me before Sorkin straightens me out on the oxymoron of Republican Intelligence again. How will I wait?

Robert Musil has more Sorkin-related thoughts.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

The Knapp Questionnaire

I took a first shot at responding to Alex Knapp's anti-globalist questionnaire:

1. What is a corporation?

A corporation is an evil construct that turns otherwise valuable and moral human beings into rapacious thieves and killers and environmental assassins. It does so by associating them in the pursuit of something called “profits”, defined as “taking money that should belong to someone else and could not possibly be surrendered voluntarily for goods.

For instance, look at my Doc Martins. I was forced to pay sixty bucks for these in a factory outlet. I could have used that sixty bucks to save a Northumbrian Swamp Rat.

2. If you're opposed to the oil companies, does that mean you oppose the use of plastic?

We have enough plastic, as it can be recycled. Should we need more because of degradation or population growth we can find substitute materials, such as hemp. Hemp is a great substitute for plastic, especially in liquid and corrosive materials handling. Besides, it, like, turbocharges the high when you smoke it afterwards.

3. If you're in favor of protectionist trading policies and are opposed to the free-market system, why haven't you moved to North Korea?

The North Koreans love their children too. I refuse to answer the rest of your question because it is nothing but empty meaningless labels spouted by a jingo-fascist brainwashed corporatist. Besides, I wouldn’t know a free-market system if it fell on me.

4. If economic sanctions mean that citizens in Iraq, for example, are impoverished and starving, doesn't that mean you support free trade with poor nations?

The sanctions exist because of the United States government, which we know is evil (Contras, exploding cigars, Hiroshima, etc.). The sanctions are evil because the U.S. is evil.

Trade with Iraq is usually accomplished through corporations. But corporations are also evil. So not trading with corporations save lives.

We support..um...free trade in aid by governments. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

5. Isn't it awful that the organic food industry is making use of grass-roots political organizations in order to discredit their competition (ie GM foods) so they can make more money?

Once again, big companies are bad. Little companies that feature “organic”, “sustainable” and “natural” in their identity work are good. So no I don’t.

6. Would you like to sign this petition to force the EU to recognize the sovereignty of the nations of Europe and forbid their economic and political integration?

I’m tired of all this “sovereignty” stuff. I’m tired of all this “individual rights” stuff. I don’t think individuals have rights. Communities have rights! But states aren't communities, because they're run by politicians, and somebody would call that "sovereignty".

7. Would you like to sign this petition to condemn Palestinian terrorists for the deliberate targeting of Israeli civillians?

You should visit Palestine before you criticize.

8. Do you know how many trees your flyers have killed?

We like to think those honorable trees gave up their souls in the struggle.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Why Can't You Understand Me?

Dear angry commenters:

I've been very disappointed at your hatred directed at me over these past few days. I would have thought that self-described peaceful dissenters directed to my pages would take more time to understand the root causes of my disorder (examining SOTU from a game theory perspective, that is), but instead you have been full of belligerent swagger and usenet leftocentrism. I see that your aim, for the time being well beyond aptitude and reasonable expectations, is...to read and understand simple sentences and then express yourselves in a way comprehensible to other humans.

Even the most creative humourist could not make up some of your comments. For instance, here are two:

1) someone named "mmmBeer" called me "sophmoric (sic)". This suds-appreciating fellow claims that STRATFOR is his brewerywebsite.

2) another language-challenged belligerent calls me "MINDLES(sic) HEDONIST DRECK" (see the comments) and goads me "DARE YOU TO POST"...on my own weblog (447 posts and counting).

One is astonished that out of thousands of sperm, these two somehow found their eggs first.

Richard Bennett has renamed MTZ "A Perfect Horror" in his link list, but I kind of like the sound of "MINDLES DRECK". I pronounce it like "Spindles".

Mad as heck scream "Mindles Dreck"
With rants and threats
But no spellcheck.

Here is a list of articulate bloggers that have criticized my posts or my site in a blunt but thoughtful way, exposed weaknesses in my arguments, introduced relevant new (and often embarassing) facts and oversights, and generally prompted a constructive dialogue. Some of these estimable individuals have even caused me to change my mind (heavens!). I consider them friends, if "virtual" friends. I am enriched by their acquaintance and I hope they feel similarly:

Dan Hartung
Thomas Nephew
Matt Welch
Virginia Postrel (ouch, did she let me have it once)
Ginger Stampley
Anthony Adragna
Steven Den Beste

Ripostes aside, I hope I can say the same about one of you some day. Get yourself a blog, and let us get a look at the whole you behind the usenet bluster. Or, if you prefer to debate the war, take the Den Beste Challenge. Nobody else has had the guts yet. Either way, come out from that dark, wet hole and give us the benefit of your..um..energetic perspective on an array of subjects. This community needs some dissent on certain areas, and we might like you, really like you.....or at least link you, really link you.

The alternative? If you don't like it, "change the channel".

Sincerely, Mindles Dreck

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Creative Insults

Andrew Sullivan is having a good time cataloguing pithy and stylish insults, such as this from Samuel Johnson:

"Paradise Lost is one of the books which the reader admires and puts down,and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is."

Whenever someone mentions Samuel Johnson, I think of Blackadder. Not only was Samuel Johnson featured in one of the Regency episodes, but Blackadder is king of the insults (at least to boorish folks such as your author):

Melchett: Blackadder - started talking to yourself, I see.
Blackadder: Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation

Blackadder: Baldrick, a chat with you and somehow death loses its sting.

Percy: I'm sorry I'm late.
Blackadder: No, don't bother apologizing. I'm sorry you're alive.

Baldrick: Lord Melchett is very sick. He's at death's door.
Blackadder: Well, let's go and open it for him.

Many people have compiled Blackadder insults on the web Enjoy.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

For Religious Speeders

Pursuant to the prior post on Swedish speeding, a friend sends in the following image (popup) entitled "How to tell if you're driving too fast..

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

The Lake Wobegone Salary Plan

The headline reads All should be paid at least the average U.S. salary.

If we are looking for a place to start, let's start with what the average hourly pay is in America and see to it that this is the minimum wage for all full-time employees.

Dang, it's so simple! Why didn't I think of that? While we're at it, let's bring all the schools "up" to average.

There's more though:

And before you say it can't be done, look at what welfare, and other public assistance including health care and having the thousands of not-for-profits cost us each year.

Of course. We can just take what we spend on welfare and charities and "spend" it on making everybody pay the average wage.

I was trying to make this post as many words as the average of this and the last three posts. Oops, need to add a few words. Nope, one more. just..

Wait a minute, where did that average go? It was here a minute ago.

(from Best of the Web)

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Tim Blair = Funny

Read Tim Blair's "Luncheon Debate + 1". I laughed out loud:

MARION HALLIGAN: Can you be apathetic and noble at the same time?

MATTHEW REILLY: I think you can.

TIM BLAIR: I think you can be pathetic and in this room at the same time.

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Tattooed Baloney

Apparently, federal grants are available for tattoo removal in Lois Capps' (D) district in California, provoking a quote from an interest group's deli counter:

"Why should someone in Arizona or Wisconsin have to pay for this program?" asked David Williams, vice president of Citizens Against Government Waste. "That's our biggest beef with this pork. Let the local government or county pay for it."

I'm disappointed he didn't add a quote about "chickens in washington full of baloney."

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Defenders of the Downtrodden

Say you have a good job. One that provides you flexibility to pursue your interests, a very high level of job security and many opportunities to make extra money on the side. You've gained some fame and distinction in your field, some notoriety. You get to sit on some boards. People know who you are.

One day the CEO calls you in. "We're raising standards for the troops" he says. He expects you to participate. He questions some of your current priorities and suggests they might be re-ordered. He also has a major project he'd like you to work on. Standard boss stuff. But you don't like it, and you don't like him. You think your priorities are fine.

So, leveraging your reputation, you make a few calls. Within hours you have an offer to move. You can bring your colleagues. You'll get more money, a subsidized mortgage, all the same perks, assurances of flexibility, job security. Everything you have and more.

Well, this situation is really dire. Who you gonna call? How about Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton?

From the desk of Mindles H. Dreck:

Blog Universe Continues to Expand

A frequent and articulate blogcorrespondent of mine, Fritz Schrank, has started his own site Sneaking Suspicions, which will soon be available at www.sneakingsuspicions.com. Schrank is also a golfer, which, all else being equal, is in his favor.